Aku Cinta Kamu (Let Me Have This Dance)
by Sandylee007
Summary: Magnus dies in battle. But that doesn't keep him from having just one dance with Alec when his beloved needs him the most. Even if it's all in Alec's head. CHARACTER DEATH MALEC ONESHOT


A/N: I was TRYING to type something else, for another fandom. But this kept blocking my brain. So… Here we are!

DISCLAIMER: Riiiiiiiiiight… I'm saying this again. Me… no… own. No profit is made out of typing this. Just couldn't resist tormenting the boys again…

WARNINGS: CHARACTER DEATH, some language, mentions of injury… Feels ahoy!

Soooo… Are you ready? I hope so. Because here we go! I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride, although it'll be a sad one.

SONGS I LISTENED TO A LOT WHILE TYPING THIS: 'Run' from Leona Lewis and 'I'll Never Love Again' from 'A Star is Born'.

* * *

 _ **Aku Cinta Kamu (Let Me Have This Dance)**_

* * *

/ _For a long time Alec honestly imagined that there was no bond stronger than the parabatai one. But when the attack landed on Magnus and the warlock fell… He felt it as vividly as if his own flesh had been impaled. And a horrible, feral scream was torn from his throat. "MAGNUS!"_

 _He ran, ran and ran. When he got there he tore at the attackers viciously, like a savage wild beast. And when he finally had Magnus in his arms he held on as tightly as he dared to, caressed, begged, pleaded. "Take my energy, take whatever you need, just please…!" But it wasn't enough._ /

* * *

Alec shivered when he felt a presence beside him. His hand twitched from a nearly uncontrollable desire to reach out. The denied comfort made him shudder all over again.

The presence intensified. A sigh made Alec's skin tingle and heart beat faster, so quickly it seemed ready to crack and burst, before Magnus' familiar voice spoke. "I hate seeing you like this."

Alec closed his eyes. His hand twitched again. "I had a dream, last night", he revealed hoarsely. If he truly focused he could still see it all. "You were holding a small child, just a baby… You were singing, and dancing. Your smile… I don't think I've ever seen you look so happy." He swallowed thickly when the memory of that dream got too much. "I… I wish I knew that you have such a great singing voice. I would've made you serenade me. I wish…" He trailed off when the lump in his throat continued to grow.

The hand landing on his felt so achingly real…

"I wish…" Alec felt choked but forced himself to continue with the will of iron. There were so many things he wished for, so many things he regretted doing and not doing. But above all things one… _I wish you were really here, so badly that I wake up screaming every night, if I fall asleep._ "I wish that I got the chance to dance with you. At least once", he whispered instead. It was a stupid thing to wish for right now, he supposed. But he knew how much Magnus loved dancing and would've wanted to share that with his hus… _No_ , he corrected himself bitterly. _Fiancé._ ( _Always just a fiancé, now._ Another thing to regret.) It was his ridiculous fear of embarrassing himself that kept him from following that urge to dance. (He did work on it, though. Went far enough to humiliate himself with taking dancing lessons from Izzy. And now…)

"Let me give you what you need, one last time." All of a sudden the presence was everywhere. Alec couldn't breathe so he unleashed a pathetic, keening noise instead.. "Shh…", the imaginary Magnus soothed. "Keep your eyes closed and let me lead."

So they began to dance. A still living ghost and a trick of a desperate mind's imagination getting lost to a strange limbo between reality and fantasy. They swayed to some bizarre music that only existed for the two of them. And for the first time since the end of his world Alec found himself on the edge of crying. "Magnus…"

"Shh." The warm breath caressing his face felt tantalizingly real. "I know, Alexander. I've always known." A shockingly cold hand touched his cheek and Alec leaned against it with the despair of a drowning man. Like he did on another painful day, when he only imagined that the world was ending. "Keep your eyes closed. Let me have this dance."

While they moved Alec's mind drifted. Went through everything. The good, the bad, the amazing, the devastating.

Their first meeting. Their joined strength saving Luke and forming a bond that was stronger than anything Alec had or ever would ever again experience. Magnus stopping his wedding. Bitter fights and apologies. Valentine's attack, Alec's frantic search when he feared that everything had ended before they even got the chance to start out properly. Breaking down, breaking up, putting everything back together again. Laughter, tears, insecurities, frustration, _love_. Their first kiss, first time – and their last time of everything.

It was never, ever supposed to end like this.

Alec tightened his hold. Even if he was hanging on to nothing but a hallucination. "I looked it up. What you said to me", he murmured, fearing that something even so quiet might break the magic. "I love you, too. I always will."

There was no reply. And like a glamour had fallen, upon opening his eyes Alec found himself being hurled to the merciless reality. The presence and the tingling it brought were gone. But he still couldn't breathe properly.

Just like after Magnus announced that he wouldn't ask again, Alec found himself alone in the room. It hit him like a ton of bricks, almost with enough force to bring him to his knees. Magnus was gone, and this time no magic would bring him back.

Alec broke down to tears.

* * *

/ _Alec had heard it being said that a person often knows when it's their time to go. Magnus knew. There was a look of grief, anguish and apology in the warlock's eyes while they struggled to stay open. "A-Alexander…. I'm so sorry…"_

 _Alec shook his head. "We'll get you help. The Institute, or… Or Catarina. Just… Just hang on."_

 _The sorrow in Magnus' eyes grew. When it became obvious that he was struggling to say something Alec propped him up, gently, gently, until the warlock's lips were right beside his ear. They were both trembling when Magnus pressed a feeble hand against where Alec's heart was beating frantically. "… heart's… what I fell in love with… don't let it grow cold …"_

 _Alec tightened his hold. The last thing he wanted to do was listening to goodbyes, but in that moment he was willing to promise just about anything to ease the other's obvious pain. "I promise", he barely managed. One of his hands caressed the warlock's hair while the other pulled the injured man closer still. He closed his eyes when they began to sting hellishly. "Please, don't…!"_ Don't leave me!

 _Magnus pressed slightly harder against his heart, until the hand slipped and fell from exhaustion. "… never, Alexander… be right there, always…" He could've sworn that he felt the warlock fading away. The next, and final, words were barely audible. "Aku Cinta Kamu."_

 _Alec opened his eyes and blinked against the rain. (Later, much later, he found out that it wasn't raining.) "What does that mean?" There was no reply. "Magnus?"_

 _The heart pressed against Alec's painfully tight chest was still._

 _"Magnus?"_ /

* * *

By the time the room's door opened Alec wasn't crying openly but felt moisture lingering in his eyes. He didn't have to look to see who the arrival was. All his attention was claimed by the prone figure on the autopsy table in front of him.

Magnus' hair, makeup and nails had been done to a level of perfection the warlock would've definitely appreciated. Alec decided that one day, someday, he'd thank Izzy and Clary for preparing his fiancé for this journey when he couldn't. Today he wasn't able to utter as much.

Because as much as his mind, sick from grief, tried to trick him otherwise, Alec knew that Magnus wasn't sleeping. He knew that this would be the warlock's final journey. Because today, which was exactly one day after what was supposed to be their wedding day, would be Magnus Bane's funeral day. And Alec had no idea how he'd be able to do this. Any of this.

How was he supposed to say goodbye and move on when his future was…?

"I… know that this is a horrible timing, but… I don't think there's a good timing for this." Jace approached him slowly. "He gave this to me for safekeeping. Said that he didn't want you to find it before…" His parabatai cleared his throat but the barely contained emotions were audible when he went on. "… before the wedding."

Alec didn't want to look but did anyway. What was left of his heart constricted and screamed from agony when he discovered a ring. (What would've been his wedding ring.) It was an incredibly beautiful, white-gold band. It had one stone attached to it, the color of which matched Magnus' cat eyes perfectly.

"He said he wanted something that looked like you but had a piece of him on it", Jace revealed. Clearly trying to distract them both from the body of someone precious lay nearby. "Corny but sweet." The poor attempt at humor failed to spark any amusement.

Alec didn't even hear him. Neither spoke when he accepted the offering. Then slipped it slowly to the finger it belonged to. And Alec would've given anything, anything, _anything_ if Magnus was there to do the deed instead.

It fit perfectly, of course it did.

There was no telling how much time passed before Jace sighed. "Look… It's… time, but I get it if…" He trailed off.

Alec swallowed thickly. For a few more stolen moments he stared at the ring. "Can you… give me just one more minute?" he pleaded, for once not caring if he sounded emotional.

Jace nodded and after giving his shoulder a squeeze left the room.

It wasn't until the door closed Alec braved himself and faced Magnus. For a few seconds he stood frozen before approaching. His hands weren't steady when he grabbed his beloved's gently, prying the agonizingly cold fingers open. With slow, clumsy motions he slipped into the other's fist something special Magnus always carried with him everywhere, until…

As it turned out it wasn't much protection, Alec mused bitterly. But he knew that wherever Magnus went, in this world of his or some other… He'd want it with him.

Alec closed Magnus' fingers tenderly and kissed them. Did his hardest to pour all his love into that gesture. Afterwards, while his thumb still caressed the back of the late warlock's hand, Alec opened his lips. Until he realized that he'd said everything he needed to say. Or at least everything he could physically bring himself to say. Almost.

"Thank you", he whispered hoarsely, like trusting Magnus with a big secret. One last tear made its way down his cheek. "For the dance."

* * *

Walking away from Magnus was almost impossible. Burying him was unbearable. Continuing without him… was something unspeakable.

Yet by some miracle (or perhaps magic) Alec didn't let his heart grow cold again. He held the people he had left close and helped everyone he could, because it was what Magnus would've wanted. But until his own dying day he kept Magnus' ring on his finger. Because if a shadowhunter ever falls in love, they only do so once in their whole lives. Magnus was his one and only, and he didn't regret it for even a second. (Not a day went by without him wishing that Magnus knew as much.)

And every single day Alec had a silly feeling that there was just a tiny trace of magic walking through life with him. Watching over him. Pushing him forward, even when he wanted to fall and stay down.

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End

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A/N: So… Ah. That… hurt, a little. Sorry…? (grins apologetically)

So, folks… Let me hear it. Was that any good, at all? Deletion worthy? Hearing from you is always a highlight of my day!

Thank you so much for reader! Who can say. Maybe I'll see you again someday…?

Take care – and HAPPY NEW YEAR (despite this pretty depressing little story)!


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